Flaws

I'm grateful to know my flaws, to know that I have flaws, and for getting to know myself.

I hope not all of my posts sound as cheesy as I feel like they sound. But it's true. I am so glad the I am really getting to know myself and my limits.
I don't like limits. I hate being told I can't do something. I don't like holding back and I very much dislike my flaws.

But, heavens, that just means I'm human. Right?

So why am I grateful for my characteristic and physical flaws?
Because it gives me something to work towards. Something to work on. To become better. After all, at the end of the day, that is the main goal: to be a better person than I was yesterday. The fact that I am mature enough to realize that I do have limitations, weaknesses, and am lacking in areas, is a blessing.

I make new discoveries of how I come up short and what I can do better every day. This isn't discouraging. It's empowering. I view it as a challenge that can only improve my life for the better.
I don't know how I developed this attitude. Perhaps, all of my crazy life experiences and education have the biggest impact on how I see the world. But, I think also. . . people I know or have met or have known has had a huge influence on me as well. One way I know that God knows and loves me is because of the love I share with others and because of the people I meet. . . sometimes I need them and sometimes they need me. Sometimes, they are there just because I need to be shown something or taught a life lesson. Sometimes, people are there to challenge my restraint and push my patience. Sometimes they enter my life and leave me a stronger person. Sometimes, they leave me humbled or weaker than I was before. . . different--in some way--however it may be.

But that's what makes living so rich.
So deep.
So fulfilling and complicated.

There are many different levels and layers of a person. We all have things we need to work on to be better.

I was reflecting on who I was a year ago. . . who I was in High School. . .

I am not the same person.

And that is a strange and comforting thought. Being able to change and grow is a beautiful concept. I'm glad I'm not as arrogant or as self-righteous as I once was. I'm not as ignorant or naive, either.

I know what I need to do and what areas I need to work on. I am humbled and grateful for such knowledge and will continue to work hard to polish my being so that I can be the kind of person, I'd look up to.
Granted, I know that I will never be perfect. But Christ makes up the difference for me, my Savior and Redeemer. Through Him, I can be perfect.
What a tremendous joy and sweet bit of knowledge.

I feel like a teenager filled with silly angst

Heavens! It's been awhile!
I have been getting job offers coming out of my ears. Stressful!
Earlier this semester, I was practically begging for work and now employers are calling me left and right. Big employers--the kind who the quote "it's not what you know but who you know (and who you work for)" was inspired by.
Its making me antsy, anxious, unsettled. I don't know which one to say yes to and which opportunities to let slip by! What if I make the wrong decision? What if sticking with my job at the restaurant shines a negative light upon my professional aspirations and goals? I am ambitious, no doubt--I definitely work hard. I want to be in the best position I can be so that I might be considered competition when it comes time to apply for grad school or to further my career (in whatever field it may be in). Plus, I hate disappointing people. I have a hard time saying no to great opportunities even though I may have little or no time to add a new project. I realize this is a flaw....but it is making me learn how to be very efficient with my time (slowly but surely, I'm learning). Then again, is being so busy really so great?
 I suppose I should stop being so silly and take a moment to thank my Heavenly Father for all of these wonderful blessings.
I have options.

Options.

How great is that? Not everyone has that kind of luxury and here I am, contemplating posting a silly facebook status complaining about how blessed I am.

Sheesh. Spoiled brat, right?

I'm even making my poor roommate anxious, pacing the floor, trying to decide which job to take and which to quit, calculating how much time I have left in a day to squeeze something else into my already crammed schedule.

But I am thankful.
So incredibly thankful and realize how blessed I am.
I currently have two part time jobs and two research assistant positions plus a full work load from 15 credits worth of classes. I'm calling it. Recognizing my limits. Life isn't always about making good or bad choices. Sometimes you have to choose between two or three or four really great choices! And it's okay if you don't participate and do every little thing or take advantage of every little opportunity that comes your way. I'm saying this perhaps more as a release of this "teenage-like" angst I have than for anyone who might actually read this blog. But it does hold true.

Okay. I feel a bit better now.

I'm thankful for the ability to say "no" and for the reasons behind the necessity to decline all of these wonderful job opportunities--I'm already doing wonderful, worthwhile things!
God is great and I am humbled by how blessed I truly am.