It’s the eve of my twenty-second birthday.
I suppose I should put up a blog post.
Something cheesy that encompasses fully my twenty-two years
of life. Something in which you random people who seem to stumble across my
blog every few days (I’m looking at you, Europeans) will read and reflect your
life with a new sense of “inspiration” and set out half-heartedly ready to make
a difference in the world and change your life only to wake up the next day to
the same mindset, place, and same damn cat. (Okay….here’s another dollar in the
cuss jar….damn it….).
I suppose since it’s my twenty-second birthday, I should
write down the twenty-two most important things I’ve ever learned. Cheesy and
hokey, vague bits of advice like “love the people you already love in your life”
or “don’t be afraid to just go for what you want!” I should follow the model of
other bloggers I’ve read and make this a post about the twenty two things that
make me, me. Giving you details about my small life that may or may not be
interesting or overall, news worthy (or blog worthy in this sense).
I suppose I should….
In fact, that was my original plan.
*Giggles!* I’m Twenty-two! Let’s make a list of twenty-two
things, assuming that by imparting my knowledge will only edify and benefit
your life. Assuming I have learned anything worthwhile at all in my twenty-two
years of life. Assuming you, in your life and unique circumstances will take
anything I have to say and apply it with the sincere hope that it will make
whatever your living circumstances are, better.
I started this list.
I had three bits of vague, hokey, cheesy advice written down
before I deleted them and reflected on how ironic and silly I sounded.
In all honesty and reality, the more knowledge I gain, the
more I am increasingly becoming aware of how ignorant I truly am. Paradox,
right? By learning, the ignorance chasm only continues to grow. Because here’s
the truth about life: I will never know everything for as long as I live on
this Earth. Even the facts, theories, philosophies, truths I am learning today
could be argued as being relativistic, subjective. Every coin has two sides. Every culture,
religion, person offers something different. Something, perhaps, pure and good
in the sight of God. Is it possible for one person to hold all knowledge? Gain
such knowledge in the period of one lifespan? I think not. Should I be
discouraged at my ignorance and lack of knowledge? Should I feel insignificant
or stupid? No.
So instead….. Here are the things I’m still struggling with,
to learn. Wrestling. Yearning. These are the questions. Here is my ignorance
for you to read. For the number one thing I’ve learned in my life is humility
in my ignorance and to consider the different ways of thought.
-I’m striving to learn what the relationship between
knowledge and responsibility is. To what moral compass do I hold myself to? Or
do I not? What kind of person am I if I
know about the child soldiers in Africa and yet continue to live my life with
relative ease and luxury in the United States? If I know of government
corruption, does that make me responsible to put a stop to it? Where is the
balance? Is knowledge as empowering as we think? Perhaps a bit overwhelming? Is
spreading an idea through Facebook and twitter and snap chat and pinterest
really effective at all in the large scheme of things? Can the power of an idea
really change the world? And if so, where and how and when? I’ve always
believed that education is directly related to responsibility. Now, I realize,
how complex and difficult this relationship is and exactly what it means for
the average human being having been informed of the awful things happening in
the world, who—like me—do nothing. Is that right? Is that okay? Why is it so
accepted and normal? Are we solely responsible for only the small injustices
surrounding our personal lives and families?
-Universalism vs. relativism. What is relative and what is
truly universal? Gosh I struggle with this one. Big time. I believe in a God. I
believe in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as being the only
true church on this earth, it’s principles and the gospel are true and just and
good. Yet…is the world strictly universal? Is it truly black and white? One
universal truth that all man is judged upon. Or maybe not judged against, but
simply exists. Or is it possible to have a relative, unique understanding of
the world and for it to be true too though however conflicting to this
universal idea……? Can a universal and relative truth exist simultaneously?
-I don’t know how to solve the world’s complex problems at
an international and national level. I struggle with models that suppose one
solution fits all but have no idea how many solutions can work together to help
simultaneously. Or even if they should…. Or when….I struggle with defining some
“problems” as problems. Are they? Truly?
-I don’t understand people, no matter how much I study
psychology and do research. People are so complex or so simple or so both.
-I struggle with who I am and who I want to be and often
wonder if I’m in sync with this idea of an ideal self or if I’m actually
veering off onto a path that might create a different self—which will be preferred
at the time. Preferred—but right? I don’t know.
-God continues to be mysterious to me. The universe
continues to show endless wonders.
-My mind will never be able to wrap around the paradox of
religion, the paradox of development, or the justification of colonialism and
subjugation of indigenous peoples.
-I have yet to fully understand politics and economics and
don’t know if I’ll ever learn calculus or Latin.
-I fight against stereotypes and generalizing statements. I
often question the culture I live in. I wonder how much of my life is composed
of culture vs religion.
-How do we learn through trials? Is it through the emotions
we experience? Surely they must have a significant part, especially since they
are so powerful. Yet…people often say to solve a problem, we must remove
ourselves emotionally and look at it from a logical stand point. Is there not
wisdom in looking through the lens of empathy too?
Oh the things, I’ll learn in the next twenty-two years….or
should I say….the new questions I’ll ask then…
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