I was first kissed by a boy at the young age of fourteen. He was sixteen, beautiful, and ridiculously smooth. I had never (nor have I since) felt such a rush. Heart pounding, face blushing, my knees went weak and I physically felt dizzy. I don't think I stopped smiling for the next twenty-four hours. After that my whole world became consumed with concern of what he thought, what he liked, what he said, how he acted, and if he liked me as much as I liked him.
He broke my heart after I refused him sex one summer, Saturday afternoon.
When I was seventeen, two of my good friends were raped. I sobbed with both on two different, separate occasions. I remember sitting in the grass, my shoulder soaked from tears, holding each other.
I was weird because I enjoyed math and chemistry in high school, laughed at because I didn't feel comfortable when told dirty jokes and didn't appreciate the boys saying sexual things to me. After high school, I had a manager once tell me that I was only hired to look at. He made his intentions very clear on more than one occasion. When his sexual harassment ceased to desist, I quit.
Once, a boy pinned me against a wall and shoved his tongue down my throat. I was at a friend's house and went into the bathroom to relieve myself. He was hiding in the shower. He was my boyfriend's brother.
I was taught to never go out alone at night and to dress modestly in order to keep young men pure. I have pepper spray and sometimes feel anxiety when I'm left home alone for a long period of time. In college, my opinion in a group of men usually goes unnoticed. I always have to prove myself before anyone will take me seriously.
On first dates when telling a gentleman of my career plans I often get the inquiry: "oh...so you don't want children?"
Once a job recruiter explicitly stated that the job he was recruiting for wasn't suitable for me because I was a woman. It was a door-to-door sales job. A job I had once before in the past. He didn't even ask me about my skills or experience.
I dated a guy once who left a bruise on my right arm. He was angry with me and instead of hitting me, he pinned me against the wall and bit me.
I've been told multiple times that I need to get married and find a man. Married women feel the need to reassure me that "there's a guy out there for me" and I've been set up on more blind dates than I care to remember.
I'm not baring my soul and airing my dirty laundry to victimize myself. No, that's not my point. I've had to rely heavily on my savior, Jesus Christ, and the Atonement to let go of a lot of anger, bitterness, and hurt. Through Him I testify that I am whole. I don't hate men. I don't believe that women who stay home and take care of their children are "doing it all wrong" nor do I wish to hold the priesthood (if you're not Mormon and don't understand this, go ahead and contact your local missionaries and visit the lds.org website). I do want to get married someday and have a family and yes, I believe that men and women are inherently different. Equity can still exist even when men and women differ.
Here's my point: sexism still exists. Men and women are not playing on a level field. The quality of living for women is very much lessened especially in developing countries. This is a problem. It's a problem for everyone. Do I believe that women should take the place of men and dominate? No. Do I believe that men and women should work together on an equal base? Yes. I've experienced the degradation and attitudes that come along with being a woman. Women live in a different world than men. It's upsetting to me that my bodily integrity and that of women I love around me is constantly at risk. The domestic violence rates are ridiculous. The small, every day, attitudes and sexist comments are degrading. Women are even attacking women and furthering the damaging process.
So this is what I mean when I say that I'm a feminist:
Society needs to change--the world needs to change. Women need to be taken into consideration more often especially in making policies and laws. Women need to be encouraged to pursue their education and goals, not held back or demeaned. Safety for women needs to be more of a priority. Job security for women also needs to be more of a priority (the number one predictor of poverty in America today is being a mother--not a father, or a single adult--a mother (*Hudson et al.)). The reproductive activities in the form of child raising and household duties need to be considered in economics and appreciated ("the unpaid labor of women, if valued monetarily, would translate into about 40% of the world's gross product" -UNIFEM). Every man and woman should have the right to choose who they marry and when they marry. Every man, woman, and child should have the right to realize their full potential and have peace and safety as they live their lives.
As a feminist, I hope for a better world and am willing to fight for it. Therefore, I simply do not understand all the stigma surrounding the word, "feminist".
I am a feminist.
So, no. I don't appreciate the women jokes, the stereotypical comments, or being evaluated like a piece of meat. I hate songs and other media where women are seen as sexual objects and despise movies and TV shows that couple sex and violence towards women.
But this is a gratitude blog and not just one for soapbox moments.
I'm grateful for my Savior and the Atonement, for the gospel, and wonderful social support I feel being a Latter Day Saint. For those who helped my dear friends who were raped as they went through such a traumatizing point in their life. I'm grateful for the wonderful men in my life, namely my five wonderful brothers, my wonderful father, my two grandpas and great grandfathers, and all my uncles and cousins as well as those gentlemen I continue to meet who give me hope. I cannot give thanks enough to my Father in Heaven for the education I am receiving and the many opportunities I am being presented with. I'm grateful for the comfort I find through prayer and for being born into such a wonderful family. I continue to be blessed by so many wonderful women in my life who encourage, support, and treasure--not only me--but all others they come into contact with. They are surely such a gift to the world. My mother is so very dear to my heart. I'm grateful for her showing me the value of being sensitive, loving, and tender. I treasure my relationship with my mother immensely. Both of my grandmothers are such a tremendous blessing in my life. They bring so much light and love into the world and I truly, deeply admire and respect and love them and all that they do. My aunts and cousins are also extraordinary women whom I very much appreciate and adore. I can't even begin to iterate how much I respect, love and am thankful for my sister-in-law.
I'm grateful for the programs and people who are fighting for women in all countries and my heart leaps for joy whenever I hear of parents who refuse to bind their little girls' feet, who do not leave their baby girls in trash cans and who fight and even runaway with their daughters when their lives are threatened due to cultural "laws". I'm grateful for these good people. I'm grateful for the men who stand up to other men for women. If men did this more often, I really do believe that the world would change over night.
I'm not bitter. I'm a happy person. I have the light of Christ in my life and am very blessed.
Valerie Hudson, a woman I highly admire, once said that the most feminist thing a person can do is share the gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
I'm a feminist...I'm not a bad, crazy person. I'm not a man hater. I shouldn't be feared. I just want to change the world for the better.
*Hudson, V.; Ballif-Spanvill, B.; Caprioli, M.; & Emmett, C. Sex and World Peace
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